I’ve been eagerly covering every new tidbit of Kingsman: The Golden Circle news, but now we’ve hit the motherlode—the first full trailer has arrived. Eggsy wears his orange velvet suit! A cab drives under water! Famous American actors are here to spy! And oh yeah COLIN FIRTH RETURNS.
There’s a lot going on here, which is satisfying as hell. Shall we begin? We start with a voiceover from Colin Firth’s (presumed dead) Harry Hart and flashback to him mentoring Taron Egerton’s Eggsy (and getting him all snazzy in bespoke Kingswear). Then we flashforward to this movie, where Eggsy appears to be piloting a British black cab under the freakin’ water to a secret base and oh, I am in love.
Then there is the threat of INCOMING MISSILE and KABOOM goes the whole Kingman HQ. Eggsy stands in the rain under his umbrella in that orange velvet suit surveying the wreckage of his super secret spy organization.
The sad beginning strains of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” sets the perfect mournful musical backdrop. Lo! An equally stylish figure approaches through the rain and it’s our beloved spymaster Merlin (Mark Strong).
And then suddenly everything starts to go VERY FAST INDEED MY OLD CHAPS. Eggsy leaps comic-book-like from a car collision. More black cab fightin’ action!
A woman takes off her clothes (MATTHEW VAUGHN. DID YOU NOT RECEIVE OUR COPIOUS MEMOS ABOUT YOUR TERRIBLY EXPLOITIVE SCENES FROM THE LAST FILM. WHY IS THIS HERE. WHY.)
Thankfully Channing Tatum and his jeans are here to rescue us. It’s the Statesmen, the American secret agent equivalent of the Kingsmen! Hooray! Now Eggsy is fighting with a bad guy who seems to have a robotic arm. We see the lasso that can apparently cut people in half! PEDRO PASCAL HAS ARRIVED AND HE SPORTS A MUSTACHE.
Everything continues to explode and we get hints of what are probably epic battle set-pieces, Frank Sinatra sings soaringly, then we scroll through the cast of extremely famous people. THEN! Oh, then, we see Colin Firth shaving, sporting a dashing eyepatch which is maybe supposed to explain how he survived all that getting shot.
“Oh my God,” Merlin says for all of us. “Harry?”
IS IT HARRY, THOUGH? It better not be Harry’s evil twin or Harry’s clone or Harry’s robot double. Give us this day our Harry Hart, please.
And that, my fellow Kingsman aficionados, is what we like to call a satisfying first look. What’d you think? Did you spot anything that I missed?